Readers of this fantastic publication are well-versed within the fantastical misadventures of America’s First Son, Hunter Biden.
Hunter was 2019’s Washington Free Beacon Man of the 12 months and possibly ought to have been for all subsequent years. And as a lot as he’s earned this 12 months’s award, we simply can’t deliver ourselves to cheapen the prize by awarding him one other trophy to toss at the back of his closet, subsequent to the double-headed dildos and anal beads.
If we give him the title once more, we’ll need to do it once more in 2023, 2024, and past.
As a result of we all know in our hearts that Hunter Biden won’t ever cease being superior.
He’s the apex degenerate. Pure animal.
Nobody is ever going to constantly deliver the products to the extremely secretive Man of the 12 months choice committee on the tempo Hunter Biden does, 12 months after 12 months.
So we surrender. No extra deliberations, Hunter Biden is now and perpetually would be the Washington Free Beacon Man of All of the Years.
There was no stopping Hunter in 2022. The Laptop computer From Hell simply retains bringing the warmth. There are crack smoking movies, the intercourse tape with the footjob, the texts and the emails and 10 % to the Huge Man. The record goes on, and with the GOP poised to take energy within the Home of Representatives, 2023 goes to be one other badass 12 months for our boy.
The Free Beacon has taken loads of flak for these awards by way of the years—critics say we glorify the hedonism of our topics and groom our readers for future derelict conduct. In some situations, they might have a degree.
So, for this 12 months and for all of the years to return, we’ll chart a unique course for Hunter Biden. We’re honoring Hunter’s most interesting virtues, his honesty and his compassion.
Positive, Hunter could also be egocentric, however he’s additionally proven an unlimited capability for compassion. He satisfied his father to federally fund crack pipe distribution facilities throughout the nation, giving his fellow crackheads easy accessibility to drug paraphernalia to assist their different life.
For all his troubles, misdeeds, and failings, the person can be exceedingly sincere. Like George Washington, he merely can’t inform a lie.
Has he ever denied spending epic quantities of cash on hookers and medicines? No. Did he lie about working for international pursuits and chopping his previous man in on the earnings? No. Actually, he pursued these unethical offers with vigor.
He’s by no means as soon as lied about being a full-on pervert with an unyielding thirst for motion.
Hunter Biden informed the reality when he mentioned he couldn’t keep in mind leaving the Laptop computer From Hell at a Delaware restore store. He mentioned he was on a bender on the time.
He informed the reality when he mentioned he needed to make all of the Biden household’s cash and sock thousands and thousands away for his previous man.
Hunter informed the reality when it got here to acknowledging the daughter he fathered with that unique dancer, one thing his previous man and stepmother nonetheless refuse to do.
And when Hunter Biden texted his brother’s widow “I received’t come dwelling to do something however have intercourse,” he was telling the reality.
Honesty is a top quality briefly provide right here within the Swamp, so when Hunter Biden involves D.C. to testify subsequent 12 months, we count on the reality to observe. This is to the compassionate, sincere life, and here is to Hunter Biden, the one and solely Washington Free Beacon Man of All of the Years.